🎈Drunk teenagers
What mindset do amazing group facilitators share?
Social optimism: anticipating good things from humans.
I am sitting outside a coffee shop, prepping for a virtual dance party. I’d been stressed all day—I’m on an island, the service is spotty, and I had no idea if I’d find a good enough signal. Then I discover this coffee shop with 400-mbps WiFi. My relief was instant.
I set up my gear, everything is smooth, and suddenly I hear a burst of profanity behind me. I lift my noise-cancelling headphones and see a group of rowdy teenagers. My first thought: “Oh no. This is going to be rough.”
But I walk over anyway. I tell them, “You’re about to witness me throw a virtual dance party for a company in Japan.” They laugh, warm up immediately, and start asking me questions.
As we talk, I realize they’re kind, curious, and totally down to support. They even promise not to swear in the background. And then it hits me: I need someone to help demonstrate the activities.
One of them, Marieke, is scrolling through my Instagram and getting excited about attending one of my Vancouver events. So I ask, “Would you be open to helping me lead some group stretches?” She lights up and says yes. “Let me just take a shot,” she says.
The party starts. The stretches go flawlessly. She runs to catch her bus. And I’m left standing there thinking: what I thought would be a nightmare turned out to be a blessing.
A rowdy group of teens didn’t ruin my event—they elevated it. They reminded me of the mindset I’ve learned again and again as a facilitator: people are usually friendlier, more capable, and more supportive than your first reaction gives them credit for.
If I’d listened to my inner cynic, I would’ve shut them out, stayed tense, and missed a beautiful moment of collaboration. Instead, I chose curiosity over judgment, invitation over avoidance.
That’s the lesson: kill the cynic. Assume people want to help. Treat strangers like potential allies. When you do, you unlock their awesomeness—and your gatherings become richer, more human, and far more magical.
I don’t know everything, but I sure know how to ignite joy. I hope this email has inspired you to do that.
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